Gwen

Good me.  I worked more hours today. 

I also got a few things done on my to-do list, including calling around to find a place that still had appointments for school physicals (bad me for letting it go this long), and critiquing a synopsis and 3 chapters. 

I also got more insight into Jane's characters... her guys are going to keep me on my toes.  Also pondered my other manuscript, but haven't made decision which file I will actually open first.

So, I'm tired but not sleepy... does that make sense?  I shall go up and ponder book more, that will certainly make me sleepy.  :-)

Blessings upon my boss for being understanding.

So, starting off with that, I worked today, because I really needed the money, unfortunately having to work didn't negate everything else that had to be done today, so I actually didn't even start working until 4pm today.  But I put in four hours on not-critical-but-useful stuff for work, so that's good. 

And before 4pm, I actually got a fair number of things checked off my to-do list for today.  Make note, that was only today's to-do list, not the overall to-do list, but I guess every little bit helps.

It also helped that today I realized I've been wallowing in victim-mode for the last few days.  When I recognize what's going on, I can deal with it, and as soon as I realized what was up, I knew why I was thinking that way, so I'm now working on thinking a more productive way.  It's not an immediate fix, but it's a start. (Read more)

I have so much that I should be doing that I'm completely overwhelmed, and so much of it is stuff that I don't want to do which isn't helping in the least... so I let myself get sidetracked.

When did I begin to write my very first manuscript?  Gwen & Doug's story?

So, went up to my closet, pulled out my old journals... turns out they weren't in order like I thought, so had to put them into order, then begin thumbing through them... and finally found it: (Read more)

 Why does the inspiration come at night, when all I want to do is sleep?

Last night, for over an hour after I'd intended to be asleep, I had visions of events 175 years ago dancing in my head. Finally, a reasonable, rational, logistically feasible course of events that ended up with three people dead, in such a manner that nobody's character was compromised, and set in motion events that lead to four romances. That's cool! I'd always hated my previous take on events, but hadn't been able to fix it. And I wrote it all down so I wouldn't forget it...

But why then? When all I wanted to do was sleep? Why not this morning, when I'm sitting in front of my computer waiting for inspiration? And now, after being awake so late last night... all I want to do is sleep!

Obviously that is one of the unwritten rules of writing: (Read more)

 Been sitting on my manuscript re-edit for the last several weeks, trying to decide whether I'm procrastinating or letting it jell, and every few days I come up with a new insight into the story that makes me glad that I didn't start the edit.

Today I had another one, that again made me glad that I didn't start. The good news is that this one isn't a 'duh!' one like the last several have been. This one is vital, and I thought of it the first time around, but I didn't portray it well.

What is my heroine angry about?

Ah... that question raises a lot of things that she's angry about, and not reacting appropriately to in the current version of the manuscript. The biggest though is: She's in major denial over most of her anger, so how do I show her anger while she remains in denial?

This should prove interesting. Much to think about. (Read more)

 Today I'm working on making new characterization sheets, which I meant to do yesterday... except that everything got side-tracked after walking by #2-son's and #4-son's bedrooms yesterday morning and totally losing it.

After a screaming fit at #2-son ("You'd better clean your bedroom or I'm going to and that won't be a pretty sight!!"), I stood over #4-son for the next 3 hours as he cleaned his room. Some parts of my help he didn't appreciate, like when I emptied his closet onto the floor. But after 4 kitchen-sized bags of trash, and 5 baskets full of dirty laundry, and things taken out that belonged other places... he has a floor! and everything has a place to go! Amazing! (Mom being snide). The cool thing, though, was when we got done and he stepped into his room to look around and he (11yo) said, "Mom! You worked a miracle!" Awwhhhh... <sniff> (Read more)

 You know... there's only so much 'feeling like a moron' that a smart person can take before I just want to end it all.

What now? you ask, being exceedingly kind and hiding the snide laughter that is threatening to burst forth, because Jackie is known for being a bit of a know-it-all.

Well, I say, you know my little problem I'm having editing this *&$@$ manuscript? Well, um, you see, I had lunch yesterday with a friend, and as usual, I was ranting about this edit. And, typical of this friend, he goes into fix-it mode and tries to pin me down as to what the problem might be. And guess what the first words out of my mouth were? I really can't get into my heroine's head because I really don't like her.

And the really stupid thing is now long it took me to realize the significance of what I said!!

If I don't like her... how can anybody else like her?!?!?!

Yes, now you can laugh. <grumble, grumble> (Read more)

 Okay, I finally give into the bit of truth "if you keep doing one thing, and it keeps not working, why are you doing it?" and I'm going to change things. (Read more)

 Hey, with the way my edit is going, I have to get my jollies where I can. (Read more)

 I got two pages done today, and I'm trying to consider that a victory.

It's a whole lot better than the last couple weeks when I didn't do any pages.

But... my perfectionistic-brow-beater won't shut up: "It's only two pages!! You have 536 pages to go. Do you have any idea how long it's going to take you to edit this thing if you can only manage to do two pages a day, let alone two pages in two weeks?!?!"

<sigh>

So... I keep telling that voice to shut up. I keep telling it that I'm learning a new character, and figuring out who she is, is going to take a while, but once I figure her out the writing will go much quicker. And I keep repeating all the good things... I started this scene in the right place. I replaced 13 pages of rambling with 3 pages of good stuff that seems to be falling just exactly in place. It's sounding good. It's feeling good.

But it took me 6 blasted hours of work to do 2 pages.