This is the 2nd follow-up to my blog entry about Ken Wilber’s book “The Integral Vision” where I said:

I’ve put this book on my “Changed My Life” list… which is a very short list. In fact, that list has only one other book on it: Carol Gilligan’s “In A Different Voice".

The first follow-up is about Gilligan’s book: Validation #1: Female Experience

So, what about “The Integral Vision” has put it on my “Changed My Life” list?

I read A LOT of books, and typically one book leads to another book, so most of what I read are variations on a theme. True, some are bigger variations than others, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been confronted with something that totally surprised me… something that explained something that on a conscious level I didn’t even know was a problem, but was eating at my guts. In fact, it hasn’t happened since I read Gilligan’s book.

I was reading along in Wilber’s book, enjoying his insights and his new variations on several familiar themes, letting some more puzzle pieces of how the universe works fall into place… when I ran smack-dab into the section entitled “The Pre/Post Fallacy” and suddenly my world shifted like it did with Gilligan’s book: I’m not broke!!

Researchers often categorize things into three stages. In this section, Wilber is talking about stages of growth (mental, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and/or social growth) which have been called various names by various folks:

Where Stage 2 isn’t better than Stage 1, it encompases Stage 1; you can’t get to Stage 2 without going through Stage 1. So, not better, not worse, just another stage of growth. Most people in America fall into Stage 2 in most of these categorizations, with fewer in Stage 1 and far fewer in Stage 3. The same person can be in different stages when measuring different things.

So, what Wilber says on pages 123-4 is (italics his):

…some of the trans-rational and transpersonal stages superficially resemble some of the pre-rational and prepersonal stages. Because pre-conventional stages and post-conventional stages are both non-conventional, they are confused and even equated by the untutored eye. … This confusion is known as the pre/trans fallacy (or the pre/post fallacy). Once it occurs, people make one of two big mistakes. They either reduce all trans-rational realities to pre-rational childish twaddle (think Freud), or the elevate pre-rational childish images and myths to trans-rational glory (think Jung).

I read this and a gong went off in my head. THIS IS IT!

THIS explains why my long-term friends have been treating me like the village idiot for the last couple years.

For example:

When I sat down to lunch a year or so ago with one friend, I spent some time explaining a new spiritual insight that I was very excited about. Afterwards, he almost literally patted me on the head and said “Isn’t she cute? So misguided but in a very cute way.” I was so pissed that I haven’t talked to him about anything significant to me since then.

And:

Another time, when a group of my friends were going on endlessly about their latest bitches and whines, I tried to change the subject onto the book “The Secret” and the Law of Attraction stuff. They looked at me like I’d grown a 2nd head. Actually, they’re all science fiction folks and they’d have been more accepting of a 2nd head than they were of me at that moment. I was so shocked at their reaction that I haven’t talked to any of them about anything significant to me since then.

In my Talking With Friends post, it hit me really hard, how few people I talk to about things that matter to me or things that I’m learning. In fact, I just realized as I write this, that I talk more to my kids about who I really am than I do to any adult in my life.

But I didn’t know WHY! I only knew it hurt, but not in a way I could define.

Wilber’s pre/post fallacy makes it all make so much sense.

My friends/family are all firmly in Stage 2, with absolutely no interest in Stage 3. In fact, they view Stage 3 with great suspicion.

So here I am, in the lower levels of Stage 3, talking about my Stage 3 experiences and they’re treating me like this silly little girl: she’s full of such backwards notions, but we still love her.

Now, I know WHY! I finally have words for my feelings and words for their actions and perceptions. It’s such a RELIEF!!!

And, now that I know, I can quit being angry at them and start doing something more constructive about it. That’s a great feeling.

Thanks Mr. Wilber, you changed my life!!