Shoot Me Now...

 You know... there's only so much 'feeling like a moron' that a smart person can take before I just want to end it all.

What now? you ask, being exceedingly kind and hiding the snide laughter that is threatening to burst forth, because Jackie is known for being a bit of a know-it-all.

Well, I say, you know my little problem I'm having editing this *&$@$ manuscript? Well, um, you see, I had lunch yesterday with a friend, and as usual, I was ranting about this edit. And, typical of this friend, he goes into fix-it mode and tries to pin me down as to what the problem might be. And guess what the first words out of my mouth were? I really can't get into my heroine's head because I really don't like her.

And the really stupid thing is now long it took me to realize the significance of what I said!!

If I don't like her... how can anybody else like her?!?!?!

Yes, now you can laugh. <grumble, grumble>

So, after lunch I sat down with myself and had a long discussion. And yes, I do talk to myself... constantly. And I regularly lose arguments with myself, which probably explains a lot of things. Anyway...

I got to thinking about when I first started writing this book, 5 years ago. Being my first attempt at writing, I based some of the characters on those around me. At that time, I was real clear thatI was the heroine (and I'll leave those that know me to figure out the rest). The book was written in fits and starts, over the next three years. Then it under-went some grueling critique that ended in a trash-the-whole-thing revision that had me start with a blank screen and write the whole book from scratch. So, the book, as it sits now, bears little resemblance to that early writing... except for the names of the characters.

But... I was in a really bad mental-place 5 years ago, and I didn't like myself... and I've yet to like the character who was me then (who really isn't except in this weird psychic-link sort of way). So I haven't been able to write her as an engaging character because up until this point, I haven't liked her. Duh!

So, <sighing> at least now I have a direction to go, and another bit of wisdom about my writing process to tuck under my belt. I need to like the characters I'm writing about. And I need to make sure my character-sheet has a blank for 'what I like about them'.

I can do that. In fact, as I thought about it yesterday, I've found many things to like about this heroine. It's just that it never occurred it me to look at her good points before, because I was so focused on the how-to of growing her out of her bad points.

And... as a side-note, I like myself just fine, and I have it on good authority that I am no longer the heroine in the book, but somebody else. :-)

So, today, more DucKon stuff, reworking my character sheet and a start at gathering all my notes about this heroine and filling out a new character sheet on her, in the hopes that will coalesce her in my head enough that I can get into her as a character enough to finish this edit.