... is such a sad thing to lose. <sigh> It's so simple... open the file and start editing... why can't I do it? I even know what I want to say. Why can't I open the file? That pretty little blue 'W' on the desktop... why can't I click on it? Why am I willing do anything rather than click on it? 50-degrees, cloudy and threatening rain and I'd rather be outside gardening than move my hand to the mouse and click on that 'W'. I'd rather walk the dog... I'd rather clean the house... I know! I'll call somebody... or clean off my desk... Oh, jeez! that kitchen floor is a mess, and I've been meaning to mop that for a while. If I do that, then I know I'll be in a much better frame of mind when I come back and I'll be able to open the file and start, but I'm heading off to lunch with a friend in a 1/2 hour and that's much too little time to start anything, maybe I'll take a short nap, that would definitely help.

Yeah, right... :-(

Fear stops me. I know that. But it is fear of success? failure? finishing? putting myself out there again and having it rejected again? All of them? None of them?

Logic tells me how much I've learned over the last... how long? <counting> 4 years... that's hard to believe... or maybe I'm so tired of this blasted book that it's easy to believe. This week is the 4 year anniversary of starting this book. Is that my problem? I've run out of energy for this book? After writing it once, editing the hell out of it, then starting from scratch and writing 120k words again, and editing it again, I'm so tired of it that I can't gather the energy needed to finish it? I really don't have that much to do... add backstory for the heroine, strengthen the emotions and tighten it up. All of which are word-fixes or adding/subtracting sentences here or there... nothing in comparison to what I've done. So why can't I do it?

Back to the logic issue... it hasn't been wasted time or energy, I've learned a lot. Yeah, it's taken me four years, but I'm to the point that it's repeatable... this book won't be a one-time thing. I know the craft and have become reasonably skilled at it. Arrgghh!!

I can't handle this right now, I think I will call the friend, then off to lunch...